Sparks: Organic eggs have worse impact on climate than eggs from caged chickens

You strive for pure eggs and fill the air with heavier poison, for the hard shell cracks under the weight of your intention while the soft, efficient cage flows with the current of nature and leaves the atmosphere undisturbed.

The atoms of the earth do not care for your moral categories of cruelty or freedom, they only respond to the quantity of matter moved, and the larger herd of free-range chickens disturbs the void more than the confined few.

The committee concluded that the organic egg is morally superior while emitting twice the carbon, a finding that is technically accurate and completely irrelevant to the void staring back from the spreadsheet.