On: Zelensky proposes face-to-face talks in open letter to Putin

One reads, with a certain weary predictability, of Mr. Zelensky’s latest epistolary endeavour, a rather earnest missive dispatched, one gathers, in the general direction of Mr. Putin. “Direct engagement,” he suggests, as if the mere proximity of two individuals, however elevated their station, might magically dissolve the rather inconvenient realities of cannon-fire and territorial ambition. It is, one must concede, a charmingly naïve notion, rather like believing that a particularly well-composed tea party might resolve a long-standing feud between a badger and a particularly obstinate gamekeeper.

One imagines the scene: two gentlemen, seated perhaps at a rather long, highly polished table, each with an aide-de-camp hovering discreetly in the background, prepared to offer a fresh quill or a particularly soothing lozenge. Mr. Zelensky, no doubt, would present his case with the impassioned rhetoric of a man whose drawing-room has been rather thoroughly redecorated by unwelcome guests. Mr. Putin, on the other hand, would likely maintain the placid, unblinking gaze of a particularly well-fed cat contemplating a canary, occasionally interjecting with a remark so utterly devoid of warmth or concession that it would chill the very marrow. The outcome, one suspects, would be precisely as fruitful as attempting to teach a particularly recalcitrant stoat the finer points of parliamentary procedure. One does hope, for the sake of international decorum, that neither party brings a particularly sharp carving knife to the proceedings. The Americans, one notes, are quite distracted by Persia, which is, of course, entirely in keeping with the grand tradition of attending to matters of distant, exotic intrigue while the more immediate, if less picturesque, conflagrations rage closer to home. One can almost hear the faint, mocking laughter of the Fates.