On: Iran warns of war ‘beyond the region’ if US resumes attacks

21st of February, 1758 (though the calendar may have advanced without my noticing)

This morning, I read with some amusement - and then with a creeping unease - that the Persians have threatened to expand their war beyond the region if the Americans resume their attacks. How curious! It seems the art of diplomacy has evolved into the delicate science of promising greater destruction if one’s opponent dares to strike first. One might almost admire the efficiency of it: a single sentence achieves both a warning and an advertisement for further hostilities.

I am reminded of the time I met a certain Swiss watchmaker who assured me his timepieces would never fail - unless, of course, one wound them too vigorously, in which case they would explode. When I asked why he did not simply make them sturdier, he replied that the possibility of catastrophe was what made them valuable. “A watch that cannot destroy itself is a watch no one fears,” he said. I see now that he was ahead of his time.

The Americans, for their part, appear to be considering whether to strike again, as if war were a dish one might reheat when the first serving grows cold. How fortunate we are to live in an age where such decisions are made by the most reasonable and measured of men! And how reassuring to know that any escalation will be conducted with the utmost precision, like a surgeon’s scalpel - though, of course, a scalpel that cuts continents instead of flesh.

I shall tend to my garden. The beans, at least, do not threaten to invade the neighbor’s plot unless watered too vigorously.